Don't Cry For Me. I'm Already Dead.

It is true what they say, you never know what you have until it's gone and I learned that the hard way. It's only been two weeks, and I am trying so hard to pull through. The days are much longer now and the nights are so so cold. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't even stand being in the same room because I can still feel the presence of what was. My life isn't the same and I feel like I am just going through the motions in these doldrums I've created with my grief.

You taught me how to laugh and cry. I know this may sound a bit cliche, but you helped mold me into the person I am today. You were always there for me when I needed you most. If I could turn back time, I would've shown you that I cared a little more and let you know how truly special you are to me. I never should have yelled at you the way I did and I hope you know I am sorry. I guess I always knew how to push your buttons. (Insert awkward nervous laugh.)

I hope that one day you will come back to me and that we can just pick up where we left off. You know, Gossip Girl starts up again in September. I hear they are picking up in Paris with B and Serena. Nothing would make me happier than to watch it on you like old times. We'll be going on season 4 together if you ever make it back to me. And yes, there is something there to help me get through the lonely nights, but I just want you to know that it's just a temporary fix. It doesn't even compare to you and what we had. You are everything to me and just know that I'm doing everything I can to fix you. I miss your flat screen so much.

And you know what, screw the people who think we have an unhealthy relationship. I didn't know how to love until you came into my life. They don't know what we have. We'll be together again if I have to go through hell and high waters. I knew you were the one from the very moment I saw you sitting there on display for all the world to see. You were always a cheeky little monkey. I knew right then and there that I had to have you. When you finally made it over to my place, you officially made my house a home. 

Please come back to me soon.

I love you, Samsung LCD.

MMMMM... Joe Jonas

So, I was perusing the cool haps on the Disney Channel and came across a commercial for JONAS L.A. Now, I'm no cougar, but I will say, Joe Jonas was looking fooooooine. Check him out in their new video for "LA Baby". I got dibs. (Rawr.)

...And You Thought Earth Girls Were Easy.

So I know that I may be late to the party when it comes to ABC's new show, V, but I'm just catching up on my new guilty pleasure that only further perpetuates my irrational fear of aliens. Anyways, after watching the first new episode, I have come to the conclusion that Anna, the head of these "visitors", is actually Baraka from Mortal Kombat. She manifests herself into this beast after mating (but right before eating her sperm donor) and getting herself all 16 and pregnant. Oops! I forgot to say SPOILER ALERT. I just wanted to share a little observation with you. :)

Lost Lessons By IDK My BFF Kim

First and foremost, I would like to apologize for neglecting to update this blog, but trust me, I have a good reason. See, my life, as of late, has become consumed by a little phenomenon I like to call, Lost. Yeah, I know. I'm a little late to the party, but so what! I started watching this show a few weeks ago and became obsessed. Not only is this show wildly entertaining, but it taught me a few things about life that I never knew and/or confirmed what I already knew. So, friends, I'd like to share with you some Lost Lessons. (Oh, and for the sake of crazies who aren't up to date with the show (Meegan) and I know I'm not going to tip toe around things that happened, I guess this is where I am supposed to say: SPOILER ALERT.)

Lost Lesson 1: It's a Small World After All.

You know that game, 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon? Or that social networking site, Facebook? In a nutshell, life is basically like that. We are all interconnected in a weird way. Lost shows this in its characters' flashbacks/flash forwards. Regardless of whether or not Flight 815 crashed on the island, these people's lives would still impact one another for better or for worse. Take the Jacob character for instance. He took it upon himself to see the main characters of the show at their most vulnerable moments (Kate and Sawyer as children, Jin and Sun at their wedding, Locke after he was thrown out of the window, etc.). And if the plane never crashed, Sawyer would've become a cop and he still would've worked with Miles who would set him up on a date with Charlotte, who he would still f the mess out of. I guess what I am trying to say is that fate has a funny way of working and the people who are meant to be in your life, will be in your life no matter what crazy path you choose.

Lost Lesson 2: You can take the girl out of the bull dyke, but you can't take the bull dyke out of the girl. (That doesn't sound right, but you get where I am going.)

Girl Fight, Fast and the Furious, S.W.A.T., and Lost. These are the most memorable movies that actress, Michelle Rodriguez, is most known for. FACT. These roles all call for the same type of woman: butch, intimidating, scary, borderline man-hating lesbian with emotional issues. FACT. Michelle Rodriguez is unfairly being typecast into these roles because she is the only woman in the world who's aura can emasculate a man, terrify a woman, and be the main suspect in a rape/homicide and still not be convicted for fear that a potentially more obscene and graphic Shawshank Redemption-esque rape scene may ensue. FACT. If anyone were to make a movie that called for a scary butch lesbian type that hides her feelings under a very scary butch exterior Michelle Rodriguez would be at the top of their casting list. FACT. Michelle Rodriguez scares the gum balls out of me. FACT. You get my point.

Lost Lesson 3: Ethnic people can be attractive too.

If you knew the pre-Lost me, you knew about my aversion to people of color. It's nothing personal. I just like my men like I like my teeth---straight, white, and strong. (Trust me. This was the least offensive analogy I could come up with.) Lost showed me that I should keep an open mind because there are good looking men from all over the world. The ageless Richard Alpert showed me that not all Spanish men are gay. Just because they are clean and pretty doesn't mean they enjoy the company of men. They are just more in touch with their feelings (duly noted after this passed episode) and have lush eyelashes that only make it look like they are wearing a lot of eyeliner. And when Sayid wasn't being the island's Geek Squad and assassinating/torturing/beating up people, he wasn't too shabby. He was also pretty romantic when he was trying to woo Shannon in the first season. Am I right, ladies? Then there is Jin, the light at the end of the tunnel. Just when I thought the Asian man could only evolve into rice burner loving racers or a contestant on ABDC, Jin proved me wrong. He's smart, sweet and loving, but he can still beat the crap out of someone. When the freighter blew up and he wasn't on the next few episodes, I was genuinely worried about his well being. I really didn't want him to die. If it weren't for Sawyer, Jin would definitely be the hottest guy on the island. (Insert obnoxious hoots and hollars here.)

Lost Lesson 4: Stereotyping is wrong.

To some extent, George Clooney's character in the film Up in the Air was right. It is "faster" to stereotype people. Hell, I'll even say it's just more convenient, but let me tell you, it is wrong, dear friends. You hear me? Wrong! After all, how wrong were the survivors of Flight 815 when they first got on the island? Sawyer accused Sayid of being a terrorist just because he is an Iraqi. Sayid assumed that Sawyer was the felon being escorted by the Air Marshall just because he was the southern man with a bad attitude and a gun. Michael hated Jin and Sun because he assumed that just because they were Korean, they hated all black people, but Jin only hated Michael because he thought that he stole his father-in-law's watch. Also, Jin and Sun were alienated because they couldn't speak english. Because of all their prejudices, it took a while for everyone to bond and work together to try to get off of the island. After opening their minds and having a little more patience, everyone seemed to grow more and more fond of each other.

Lost Lesson 5: Matthew Fox is really boring.

Remember the joke Seth Rogan told to Kather Heigl in the movie, Knocked Up? Well, you should. He asked, "You know what's interesting about Matthew Fox? NOTHING!" And after the first few episodes of Lost, I couldn't agree more. I mean, yeah, we get it, Matthew Fox aka Jack Shepherd, you are a doctor and you have daddy issues. Get over it. Everything he does episode is predictable: bitch/moan, woo Kate then cry over her, suture someone, flashback, daddy issues, back to the present, cue meaningless epiphany, ponder life, fade to black, rinse and repeat. Sure, he is crucial to the plot line of the show (debatable), but grow some balls and I'll fain a little more interest, Doc. With that said...

Lost Lesson 6: Love Triangles are Overrated.

Love triangles are always supposed to be juicy and keep the interest of the audience. Take a look at the kids of Dawson's Creek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and even Saved by the Bell. They follow one simple formula: 2 Hot Guys + 1 Hot Girl + Crazy Sexual Tension Between All Parties = Successful Love Triangle. Right? Wrong. Lost just happened to f up this formula by using Matthew Fox, who may be easy on the eyes, but happens to be crazy boring. They got the hot girl part right with Kate, but she gets boring too since we are constantly reminded that she is a fugitive on the run. Unfortunately, this cancels out Jack Shepherd. They have one ace in the whole that keeps us entertained for a little bit. This is where Sawyer comes in, but unfortunately Lost still manages to prove this equation false. Watching scenes with Jack and Kate were almost painful since Jack was this lovesick puppy who was trying to act cool around Kate, but he would continue to fail. Kate knew about Jack's feelings and obviously liked the attention, but totally had a thing for Sawyer because let's face it, who wouldn't? But when the Jack would be distant, she felt the need to get physical with Sawyer. And since he is real life grown up, Sawyer would get all mushy and tell Kate know how he felt about her. This scared her and drove her to the good doctor. So she went back and forth between Sawyer and Jack, which got old real quick.

Lost Lesson 7: The Pompous A-Hole Always Gets Laid.

As long as we are on the subject, who would you rather sleep with: boring and lame Dr. Shepherd or hot bad ass con-man, Sawyer? I think the answer is blatantly obvious. If you wouldn't rather sleep with Sawyer, you're un-American. Every girl loves a bad boy (it's science). For some reason, the emotional insecurity and unstableness that they provide you when they decide to come around is so.... well, sexy. The woman on the island are no exception because Sawyer is the guy that gets laid the most. He's bedded Kate many a time, Ana Lucia (despite her huge wanger), Charlotte in the alternate universe, and even the baby doctor, Juliet. Le sigh. Sawyer. He's just the boy all the good girls want.

Lost Lesson 8: Everyone Should Have a Chubby Friend.

I'm pretty in love with Hurley (in a very platonic kind of way). So he sneaks ranch dressing into the jungle and sees dead people, but doggone it, I think it is part of his charm. Out of everyone on the show, he is definitely the most loyal and genuinely caring. Hurley made living on the island bearable--building the golf course and having a food party. He was the comic relief and he was sooo sweet. But when something is going down and Hurley doesn't like it, you best be listening to him. Had Locke listened to Hurley, the hatch probably wouldn't have blown up. Plus, I wouldn't not listen to him because he talks to dead people and stuff. Duh! It makes me wish I had a chubby curly haired friend named Hurley.

Lost Lesson 9: People who you think may be Jesus just may not be.

So, I may have Lostpedia-ed a few theories about the show and this led my to believe that John Locke may be Jesus. I know. I know. I couldn't have been more wrong. But in my defense, there was a lot of evidence pointing to him being Jesus. Locke had these healing powers, loved helping everyone, and the ability to talk to this Jacob (who I thought was God to some extent). Not to mention, he was super wise. Boon hung on his every word. He helped Charlie get over his drug addiction and eased Claire into motherhood. Locke also always spoke about his faith openly. His voice was almost motivating and his words were very sincere, which probably led him to have a lot of people trust him and become his follower. Then Locke decided to die and raise himself from the dead, which is also pretty Jesus-like (Happy Easter). From that point on, it was kind of down hill. Turns out that it was his blind faith that got him killed and made him into the murderous smoke monster. No. Big. Deal. He's a pretty bad man now and I don't know much about him. I just know he's definitely not supposed to be Jesus anymore. (Ruh roh.)

Lost Lesson 10: Don't Take a Beach Day for Granted.

When it's smoldering hot out and all you want to do is lay out, just be glad that you can leave. Somewhere out there, there could be a plane that crashed on a deserted island and they can't leave. These people may have to find away to just get by. And yeah, they may go a little stir crazy and paranoid which may or may not lead them to kill, but they have to do what they need to do to survive. Darwinism. Bitch.

Chill Out, Freckles McGee.

Dear Jersey Shore Cast (aka The Classiest People I've Ever Seen In My Life),

In just eight frickin' weeks you changed my frickin' life. Your show spoke to me in a way that, you know, was so frickin' relatable. Every frickin' Thursday, I like frickin' loved all of your crazy drunken bar fights and misadventures. With all the Gotti hair gel and cheetah print and bedazzled t-shirts, I totally like lived vicariously through alls of you guys. (Okay, I'll stop with the poor grammar.) It's safe to say you seven (let's face it, Angelina is a chump and no one even remembers her anyway), are my heroes and when I'm 27-years-old, I can only hope to be like all of you.

Yes, I am well aware that I am not of Italian descent, however, as proven by this fine program, being a guido or guidette is a lifestyle that one becomes accustomed to. Had my parents been responsible and thought about my future and my well-being from the day I was born, they would have stayed in Jersey where I could have possibly reached my star potential. Being the only non-Italian person on The Shore, I would have helped the break boundaries as your cool neighbor or something. Also, I feel like you guys would've received less flack from everyone for "negatively" depicting Italian-Americans. I didn't see a single Italian stereotype. I just saw seven (remember, I don't count Angelina because she sucks) young individuals who were looking to party, get in fights (whether or not it be with other individuals or the music at the bar) and smush. Who am I to judge? Personally, it sounds like a lot of fun. He who hath not smushed, cast the first stone. Am I right or am i right?

On the real, I feel like the person who I am today is made up of little bits of you guys. Vinny, like you, I have a college degree. (High five for higher education.) Like Sammi, I, too, am "the sweetest bitch you will ever meet but [you] don't fuck with me" because I will literally cut you. I mean, I keep a razor in underneath my tongue. Coincidence alert: Ronnie is juiced and I LOVE juice (preferably grapefruit, pineapple, and/or cranberry). When I go out, I tease the mess out of hair so I can get a poof just like Nicole "Snookie" Polizzi. Just like sweet, sweet Pauly D, I like to end all of my war stories with a random fact of the day (Remember when you told us about how you punched a guy in the nose and then wrapped it up with: "It only takes nine pounds of pressure to break someone's nose"? Or the other time you were talking about how sometimes you have to hang out with a girl a few times before you engaged in smushing and explained that was how you knew they weren't a whore?). JWoww, I'm not there yet, but because of you, I'm inspired to invest in a ginormous pair of knockers (Why not, right?), especially since I feel like they aided you in gaining the opportunity to see Pauly's... uh... piercing. (What I'm curious?) Mike, I'm sorry, brah, but I really have nothing in common with you. But you know, you are cool. Whatever.

Anyways, I basically wanted to make sure that you guys don't flake out on your upcoming appearances like you did a few weeks ago because I will get real heated. I've already got my tan, my "sexy sophisticated" club shirt from JWoww's line (in the yellow AND blue), and so much hairspray in my poof that I could literally be set on fire if someone lit a cigarette, ah-right?! Fact, Sammie and Ronnie broke up on the reunion show, but I'm counting on you guys to be at McFadden's on Feburary 4th to frickin' party. (So what?) I don't care if there have been reports about Ronnie creeping on other girls. Get over it and party in Chi-City. Pauly D, JWoww, and The Situation: I swear to God if you don't show up to Joe's on Weed Street on the 19th of February and on March 6th, I will back hand you so hard that you will think that you are The Three Frickin' Stooges. So don't be a bunch of frickin' mooks. Alls I want to do is beat the beat up with you.

Well, I've said my peace. So don't f up. See you, kids soon.

Warm Regards,


(idk my bff) KIM

P.S. If I can be frank for a second, you guys need to stop being a bunch of jabronis (Mikey and Pauly D, sources say you're the cause of the problem. So quit it and be good.) and accept whatever the f MTV wants to give you for season 2. Getting $10,000 per episode for your sophomore season is a pretty sweet deal for 12 episodes. Jenni, that's a lot of ham. Snookie, that's a lot of frickin' pickles. You all better be back (minus Angelina because she's a bartender and that means she does "like, important things"). Don't forget, I don't like change.

Television: Teacher, Mother, Secret Lover.

For many, autumn brings new beginnings. I mean, sure, it's a little colder and the year is coming to an end, but come on, the Fall is about new starts. The kiddies are headed back to school. Those crazy undergrads are shacking up in the dorms and getting lost in the city. Some freshmen are even taking their first underage sips of beer as we speak. After all, it is the beginning of football season. And although we say bid a sweet adieu to the foliage and the days become shorter, we welcome the brand spanking new seasons of our favorite shows.

Let's go through my personal MUST SEE TV list for the week, shall we?

To get through the doldrums that we call Monday, I like to start off with a little bit of Heroes (8 EST/7 CST), which just had its two-hour premiere today. No spoilers please. I only watched half of it since I had to catch my Upper East Siders on Gossip Girl (9 EST/8 CST). I mean, WWBWD (What Would Blair Waldorf Do)? I couldn't miss their first day of college! Come on! Then I like to top off my night at 9 PM, with a little Rachel Zoe Project (which I'm currently watching right now and decided that I need a huge furry vest. I wonder if I would be able to rock it at work... Andrea?).

Tuesdays are dead to me. Nothing is on. So they can be your free day. Personally, Tuesdays are my gym day and more times than not, my weeknight bar night. Or if I'm feeling crazy, I catch up on my Netflix. Nothing is worth it on Tuesdays unless of course, they decide to have Nip/Tuck's final season then, but we don't have to worry about that until January this just in, the show starts October 14th, which makes it only add to the Wednesday goodness. And sorry guys, 90210 is crap and nothing like the original. I don't know about you, but I like my high school kids played by people well in their 30's. (Luke Perry forever!)
As for Hump Day, I really don't care for anything until 8 PM CST because let's be real all that matters on Wednesday night is Glee. It's is basically the funniest show on TV. And even though I'm hopelessly devoted to Eric Northman, but I have to say, I'm hot for teacher, Will Schuester. He's pretty sexy in the Acafellas episode. Everyone on the show is ridiculously talented, but when you hear Mr. Schuester sing to you, you automatically revert into a twelve-year-old girl at an NSYNC concert again. That's how good he is. (Update: Fox just picked up Glee for a full season. Told you it was that good.)

And what's not on Thursdays? In the prime time slot, it's a total NBC take over. Parks and Recreation at 7:30 PM, followed by The Office and the new show starring Joel McHale, Community. Loves it. But the fun doesn't stop there. You go ahead and put on FX for your double dose of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I mean, if you're not familiar, it is also known as the best comedy show of all time. There's something about four a-holes that own a bar with Danny DeVito that just equals hilarity. Since that is on at 9 PM CST, it is absolutely necessary to keep the crass going and take a hot second and tune into the encore of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, everyone's guilty pleasure. I don't know about you, but I want to Nene Leakes when I grow up.

Just because the combo of It's Always Sunny and The Real Housewives is just too magnificent, I need to take Friday and Saturday off. After all, I am in my twenties and do like to catch some sort of roof on fire and not allow water to dowse its flame so it burns or whatever the kids say nowadays. But after a long weekend of partying, I like to have a very lazy Sunday with my VH1 reality shows (Tool Academy 2, My Antonio, Real Chance of Love re-runs) in the morning since I know that more likely than not, my television will be dominated by something called football (not that I'm complaining or anything). At night, it's all about HBO's fine evening programming. Maybe I'll catch a little Curb Your Enthusiasm since True Blood is done for the year. And I've been meaning to catch Bored to Death with Jason Schwartzman. It looks interesting, but I could totally be wrong. (Thoughts anyone?)

Elizabeth Lawrence once said that in Autumn "[E]veryone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn." Little did she know, that we have to take the time to sit and watch tv since we were blessed with an amazing Fall line-up. God bless the boob tube.
And th-th-that's all folks. (Sorry I had to.)