She Was Like John Rambo Meets Polly Pocket.

Dear Hit-Girl,

I must say that I was very impressed with your new film, Kick-Ass (which is in theaters now). Not only have I become the biggest advocate for this movie, but I have also decided to live my life according to its  philosophies. Personally, as a super hero enthusiast, it stood for everything I stand for: sweet costumes, gratuitous violence, and sassy one-liners. In other words, it is good old fashioned American fun for the whole family.  The fight scenes in this film are epic and you, my friend, are the baddest mother trucker this side of the Atlantic. You literally had me at the edge of my seat with my mouth wide open throughout the entire film. I was STUNNED and all of sudden everything in this sick sad world made sense to me. I haven't been this stoked about a movie since 300 Dark Knight Watchmen.


All my life, I wanted to a superhero and I wanted to be exactly like Batman. He is rich and powerful and also, pretty bad ass. My only qualm about him was that though he was able to beat the living be-jesus out of his foes, he never took the time to actually kill them and actually make them pay for their crimes other than putting them in Arkham Asylum. Now, that I have seen you in action, you are what I aspire to be. You are this crazy bad ass little girl that doesn't even mind if she cuts a bitch. The fact that your long term life goals involve $3 Million of stolen mob money in a duffel bag, a collection of sweet guns and knives, and beating people up makes me feel like I'm not alone in the world... figuratively. The fact that you can take on a whole slue of mobsters by yourself without even scared of getting shot makes me believe in dreams again.

Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that you are the coolest person I have ever seen. I know you are only 11-years-old, but I was hoping that I could maybe be your sidekick or see if wanted to be best friends or something. You have seriously made me reconsider a career as a Disney Channel super star. Though, I thought it was pretty awesome when you and your dad crushed that goon in the trash compactor AND got another guy to shoot himself involuntarily in the face with nothing but a knife and rope (double sweet), most people would say that your morals are a bit questionable. But lucky for you, I barely passed my ethics class. Whatever. Sure, you are a bit of a lone wolf (and I respect that), but I think that we could have a really good dynamic together. You with your too cool for school attitude and me with my rapier wit. Personally, I think that we would kick a lot of ass and take a lot of names.Taking over the world would definitely be realistic possibility. I may need that bazooka... and some knife training, but I'm a quick learner and I loves me a good fight and have a tendency to drop a few elbows.

Go ahead think about it and have your people get back to my people.


Warm Regards,


(idk my bff) Kim

PS You don't even need to pass my Batman vs Superman test. I totally know that you think Superman is a douche and that you prefer Batman. We're totes gonna be BFFL!

Television: Teacher, Mother, Secret Lover.

For many, autumn brings new beginnings. I mean, sure, it's a little colder and the year is coming to an end, but come on, the Fall is about new starts. The kiddies are headed back to school. Those crazy undergrads are shacking up in the dorms and getting lost in the city. Some freshmen are even taking their first underage sips of beer as we speak. After all, it is the beginning of football season. And although we say bid a sweet adieu to the foliage and the days become shorter, we welcome the brand spanking new seasons of our favorite shows.

Let's go through my personal MUST SEE TV list for the week, shall we?

To get through the doldrums that we call Monday, I like to start off with a little bit of Heroes (8 EST/7 CST), which just had its two-hour premiere today. No spoilers please. I only watched half of it since I had to catch my Upper East Siders on Gossip Girl (9 EST/8 CST). I mean, WWBWD (What Would Blair Waldorf Do)? I couldn't miss their first day of college! Come on! Then I like to top off my night at 9 PM, with a little Rachel Zoe Project (which I'm currently watching right now and decided that I need a huge furry vest. I wonder if I would be able to rock it at work... Andrea?).

Tuesdays are dead to me. Nothing is on. So they can be your free day. Personally, Tuesdays are my gym day and more times than not, my weeknight bar night. Or if I'm feeling crazy, I catch up on my Netflix. Nothing is worth it on Tuesdays unless of course, they decide to have Nip/Tuck's final season then, but we don't have to worry about that until January this just in, the show starts October 14th, which makes it only add to the Wednesday goodness. And sorry guys, 90210 is crap and nothing like the original. I don't know about you, but I like my high school kids played by people well in their 30's. (Luke Perry forever!)
As for Hump Day, I really don't care for anything until 8 PM CST because let's be real all that matters on Wednesday night is Glee. It's is basically the funniest show on TV. And even though I'm hopelessly devoted to Eric Northman, but I have to say, I'm hot for teacher, Will Schuester. He's pretty sexy in the Acafellas episode. Everyone on the show is ridiculously talented, but when you hear Mr. Schuester sing to you, you automatically revert into a twelve-year-old girl at an NSYNC concert again. That's how good he is. (Update: Fox just picked up Glee for a full season. Told you it was that good.)

And what's not on Thursdays? In the prime time slot, it's a total NBC take over. Parks and Recreation at 7:30 PM, followed by The Office and the new show starring Joel McHale, Community. Loves it. But the fun doesn't stop there. You go ahead and put on FX for your double dose of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I mean, if you're not familiar, it is also known as the best comedy show of all time. There's something about four a-holes that own a bar with Danny DeVito that just equals hilarity. Since that is on at 9 PM CST, it is absolutely necessary to keep the crass going and take a hot second and tune into the encore of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, everyone's guilty pleasure. I don't know about you, but I want to Nene Leakes when I grow up.

Just because the combo of It's Always Sunny and The Real Housewives is just too magnificent, I need to take Friday and Saturday off. After all, I am in my twenties and do like to catch some sort of roof on fire and not allow water to dowse its flame so it burns or whatever the kids say nowadays. But after a long weekend of partying, I like to have a very lazy Sunday with my VH1 reality shows (Tool Academy 2, My Antonio, Real Chance of Love re-runs) in the morning since I know that more likely than not, my television will be dominated by something called football (not that I'm complaining or anything). At night, it's all about HBO's fine evening programming. Maybe I'll catch a little Curb Your Enthusiasm since True Blood is done for the year. And I've been meaning to catch Bored to Death with Jason Schwartzman. It looks interesting, but I could totally be wrong. (Thoughts anyone?)

Elizabeth Lawrence once said that in Autumn "[E]veryone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn." Little did she know, that we have to take the time to sit and watch tv since we were blessed with an amazing Fall line-up. God bless the boob tube.
And th-th-that's all folks. (Sorry I had to.)