Television: Teacher, Mother, Secret Lover.

For many, autumn brings new beginnings. I mean, sure, it's a little colder and the year is coming to an end, but come on, the Fall is about new starts. The kiddies are headed back to school. Those crazy undergrads are shacking up in the dorms and getting lost in the city. Some freshmen are even taking their first underage sips of beer as we speak. After all, it is the beginning of football season. And although we say bid a sweet adieu to the foliage and the days become shorter, we welcome the brand spanking new seasons of our favorite shows.

Let's go through my personal MUST SEE TV list for the week, shall we?

To get through the doldrums that we call Monday, I like to start off with a little bit of Heroes (8 EST/7 CST), which just had its two-hour premiere today. No spoilers please. I only watched half of it since I had to catch my Upper East Siders on Gossip Girl (9 EST/8 CST). I mean, WWBWD (What Would Blair Waldorf Do)? I couldn't miss their first day of college! Come on! Then I like to top off my night at 9 PM, with a little Rachel Zoe Project (which I'm currently watching right now and decided that I need a huge furry vest. I wonder if I would be able to rock it at work... Andrea?).

Tuesdays are dead to me. Nothing is on. So they can be your free day. Personally, Tuesdays are my gym day and more times than not, my weeknight bar night. Or if I'm feeling crazy, I catch up on my Netflix. Nothing is worth it on Tuesdays unless of course, they decide to have Nip/Tuck's final season then, but we don't have to worry about that until January this just in, the show starts October 14th, which makes it only add to the Wednesday goodness. And sorry guys, 90210 is crap and nothing like the original. I don't know about you, but I like my high school kids played by people well in their 30's. (Luke Perry forever!)
As for Hump Day, I really don't care for anything until 8 PM CST because let's be real all that matters on Wednesday night is Glee. It's is basically the funniest show on TV. And even though I'm hopelessly devoted to Eric Northman, but I have to say, I'm hot for teacher, Will Schuester. He's pretty sexy in the Acafellas episode. Everyone on the show is ridiculously talented, but when you hear Mr. Schuester sing to you, you automatically revert into a twelve-year-old girl at an NSYNC concert again. That's how good he is. (Update: Fox just picked up Glee for a full season. Told you it was that good.)

And what's not on Thursdays? In the prime time slot, it's a total NBC take over. Parks and Recreation at 7:30 PM, followed by The Office and the new show starring Joel McHale, Community. Loves it. But the fun doesn't stop there. You go ahead and put on FX for your double dose of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I mean, if you're not familiar, it is also known as the best comedy show of all time. There's something about four a-holes that own a bar with Danny DeVito that just equals hilarity. Since that is on at 9 PM CST, it is absolutely necessary to keep the crass going and take a hot second and tune into the encore of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, everyone's guilty pleasure. I don't know about you, but I want to Nene Leakes when I grow up.

Just because the combo of It's Always Sunny and The Real Housewives is just too magnificent, I need to take Friday and Saturday off. After all, I am in my twenties and do like to catch some sort of roof on fire and not allow water to dowse its flame so it burns or whatever the kids say nowadays. But after a long weekend of partying, I like to have a very lazy Sunday with my VH1 reality shows (Tool Academy 2, My Antonio, Real Chance of Love re-runs) in the morning since I know that more likely than not, my television will be dominated by something called football (not that I'm complaining or anything). At night, it's all about HBO's fine evening programming. Maybe I'll catch a little Curb Your Enthusiasm since True Blood is done for the year. And I've been meaning to catch Bored to Death with Jason Schwartzman. It looks interesting, but I could totally be wrong. (Thoughts anyone?)

Elizabeth Lawrence once said that in Autumn "[E]veryone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn." Little did she know, that we have to take the time to sit and watch tv since we were blessed with an amazing Fall line-up. God bless the boob tube.
And th-th-that's all folks. (Sorry I had to.)

Call Me Kevin Bacon, I'm One Degree Away From a Murderer

Hi. My name is Kim and I'm a recovering tabloid junkie. This is a problem I can't stop---stemming from the first time I ever laid my eyes on an US Weekly. I get the shakes if I don't get my Perez Hilton fix and I'm addicted to The Superficial. My dream job is to be a snarky/sassy commentator on VH1 like Michael Ian Black and Hal Sparks. Now, my dream has become one step closer to coming true.

I work for a trade publication in this beautiful city that I call home. Along with three fabulous ladies (yes... even you, Megan), I manage all the advertisements that go into every one of our magazines. The day began just like any other--checking my email, making follow up phone calls, chatting away about our favorite tv shows (among other things) and Megan Wants a Millionaire just so happened to be our flavor of the month.

As per usual, I'm call a particular advertiser and everything is peachy keen. It was just another follow up about a proof I had sent out. The secretary tells me that my contact is not available because he is dealing with "heavy issues" and that he will not be back in the office for a while. Because this is just an excuse I hear everyday, I just ask her if she had herself had any feedback. She told me that she didn't and that the owner of the company was really the one I had to wait to speak to, but he now he was dealing with family issues since his son had been all over the news. Of course, I didn't really care; I just wanted to do my job. Then she revealed that his son was RYAN JENKINS!

In case you didn't know, Ryan Jenkins (also known as "The Smooth Operator") was a finalist on Megan Hauserman's reality show, aptly titled, Megan Wants a Millionaire, is a "person of interest" in being charged with the murder of swim suit model, Jasmine Fiore, as of late. There is literally an "international manhunt" for this man. He fled on foot to Canada!! (source 1 source 2)

Out of shock and my own curiousity, all I could respond with was, "Megan Wants a Millionaire Ryan Jenkins?" With what could of been substituted with a "DUH!", the secretary very professionally stated that the owner of the company would not want to speak about it. After she said she would relay my message, I could tell that she was a little relieved and happy that she was able to tell me about the news.

I hung up the phone. How crazy is that? I mean, what are the chances? As far as I know, Megan and I were the only people in the world that watched MWAM and we are basically directly working with this guy's father! I am basically working directly with a murderer's father! He is my client. It is pretty intense and I'm definitely the wrong person to be working with them because I definitely have the biggest mouth in the world, but holy crap. I'm one degree from a murderer VH1.

If this ever gets on Best Week Ever, I would dump--just straight out dump. If only there was some way that I could work with Real and Chance, Bret Michaels, Daisy de la Hoya, and New York...then and ONLY then would my life would be complete.

In other news, Happy Birthday, Dad! Thanks for making me. :)