If Morgan Freeman Can, So Can I.

Life. What a silly little topic, right? We've only got one and we have to make the most of it. But what do we do with our lives? What are we doing with our lives? What are we supposed to be doing with it? What do we want to do with our lives? What do we need to do? Do we live life on the edge or do we play it safe? I'm sure these are all questions you ask yourself when you're in your early mid-20's and trying to figure it all out. It's a little cliche, but I'm finding it to be very true.

I mean, don't let the face fool you. I'm 23-years-old and I'm not getting any younger. I have no idea where my life is headed and I'm not exactly sure where I want it to go. In the wake of Cha Cha Lee's birthday (What are you like 50 now?) and in honor of MTV's new, The Buried Life, which despite all of my unwillingness to tune in, I probably will since Glee and Gossip Girl will be on hiatus until April (WOOF!), I began to ponder my own life--where I am, who I am, and where I want to be. You are only young once so I thought, what the hell. I've compiled my very own bucket list where you will find everything that I want to do before I turn 30 (because let's be real, we all know 30 is synonymous with death).

1. Travel the world. There are so many places I want to see. I want to be able to say that I have been to all seven continents and that I have visited all 50 states at least. I would love to back pack through Europe while my hips and knees are still working. And of course, by "back pack through Europe" I mean, stay at snazzy hotels and go on fabulous shopping sprees and eat the finest cuisines. Duh. I guess, it doesn't even have to be Europe. It would just be amazing to go anywhere in the world.
   
   
2. Buy a pair of Christian Louboutin heels. I know that it is impractical to spend 6 months of rent on a pair of heels that I would rarely wear because I want to preserve them and keep them immaculate, but come on! I'd be fabulous.
   
   
3. Learn to swim. I think it's time. Standing in 4 ft of water in the pool gets annoying when the little kids start splashing around and you get the butt of a noodle in the face (okay, the noodle in the face may or may not be my fault when I try to stand and balance on it). For some reason I'm deathly afraid of deep body's of water. I have no idea why. It probably has something to do with almost drowning in the Atlantic Ocean when I was 12, but I don't know probably not. I just feel like I need to learn how to swim. It's probably that survivor instinct I have.
   
   
4. Join the next Real World cast. Yes, I know this show sucks and has sucked since the season after Las Vegas. Yes, Real World: Washington, D.C. is weak. But come on, guys! Remember when we were 13 and you watched The Real World religiously? If you were anything like me, I bet you thought, Yup, when I turn 18 I'm sending in my audition tape. Then you turn 18 and then you realize you're not old enough to drink and you would be that lame underaged roommate who couldn't party. Then you turn 21 and realize alcohol makes you crazy and lose your inhibitions; and you don't want your mom and dad to see you hook up with everything with a pulse in the hot tub. Blah. Blah. Blah. You end up embarrassing your family and giving your grandmother a heart attack because you win a wet t-shirt contest. Yadda. Yadda. Yadda. Time flies, and all of sudden, BAM! You're 23 and a half and only have a year to even be considered to be on the show AND you realize your audition tape would've been so much better if you taped it right after your skeez ex dumps you. But hey, pop quiz: Whaddaya got to lose? Answer: Nothing because you're pretty sure ass is on the internet anyway. To quote a great man named Ricky Bobby, "I've sent in my application to The Real World, so I'm puttin' a lotta eggs in that basket, the MTV basket."
   
   
5. Attend Comic-Con. Not Wizard World. Not Emerald City. I need to make a pilgrimage to the Comic-Con. It is an absolute must. We all know I'm kind of a nerd and this is my mecca. Don't judge.
   
   
6. Buy a condo. Slowly but surely, I'm going to make it happen. It's about time I buckle down and own some property.
   
   
7. Star in my own successful Disney Channel sitcom. I only have a good ten to fifteen years of looking like I'm 17, but I will only have the tolerance and patience to deal with my overwhelming tween fans for about seven. Anyways, if you haven't heard me plead my case as to why I should be the next Disney Channel star go ahead and click here.
   
   
8. Start a fight club.. or at least a crazy bar fight. If you know me, you know I love punching and kicking. I've really only been in one real fight and that was when I was like seven. Some kid whipped a baseball at me and I twisted his arm til he was begging for mercy--NBD. What was I supposed to do? He drew first blood! Anyways, I've been hankering to be part of a good old cat fight for a while now. Watching The Jersey Shore is only helping to reignite that inner fight I have in me (i.e. JWoww beating the crap out of that girl). I would love to feel raw human flesh being crushed by my fist from my mad right hook and seeing the large imprint of my massive cocktail ring on some broad's face. I like trouble, so why can't I cause a ruckus of my own... just once. Plus, sometimes you just need to choke a bitch. Am I right?
   
   
9. Get arrested. Well, at least cuffed. I think it would be cool to have a real mug shot. It would also be pretty sweet to be in a line up... and try to look especially suspcious. (Insert shifty eyes here.)
   
   
10. Go to Vegas and party with my girlfriends. Basically, I'm thinking The Hangover meets Sex in the City sans the weird looking red head. What's one crazy weekend of partying with free drinks (because let's face it, having a vagina is basically like having a Black Amex in the sense it's guaranteed VIP) in fabulous clothes and amazing weather with a group of great girls? I hope that we all get black out drunk and find a tiger in the bathroom because that would be AWESOME.
    
    
11. Get married. Womp. Womp. Don't get it twisted. I had to drop this bomb. Note: I definitely don't want to get married any time soon and absolutely not right this second, but yes, I do want to get married before I am thirty. Whatever. Sue me.
    
    
12. Become a YouTube sensation. I need a catchy tune, a clever rhyme and a universal vision. To be honest, I've been so close, but kind of blew it. This is definitely a work in progress, but, oh, it will happen. There are a few ideas a-brewing in this little noggin of mine. My time will come and I will be a YouTube queen. You will see. Trust me, I'm going to be as big as the Dramatic Gopher. Just you wait and see. I'm gonna make something out of myself, mom!
    
    
13. Go for a ride on an elephant. F horses. Everyone can ride a stinkin' horse. Big whoop. Going for a ride on an elephant would be sweet! Maybe it's because I just saw Aladdin recently, but wouldn't that be the grandest entrance ever? I'd be scared to fall off, but whatever, then I could say I broke my arm because I fell off an elephant.
    
    
14. Have a drink in every bar in the great city of Chicago. This has been a goal of mine since the ripe ol' age of 21. At first, I wanted to achieve this goal in a year from my 21st birthday, but soon found it was impossible especially since I would black out and stumble into places. Basically, I just lost track. I know that I have been to a handful already, but I will get there. It is only a matter of time. Don't mind me if you see me peeing in an alley or throwing up in front of your building.
    
    
15. Be an extra for one of the Christian Bale Batman movies. I mean, duh.
    
    
16. Reunite the best band in the entire world, NSYNC. I am very vocal about this cause. I've written letters and waited outside of Justin Timberlake's house and even watched him sleep. Whatever. We all know it is JT's stubbornness and solo success that this group is failing to reunite. We need to band together as fans and show them that the world would be a better place if, and only if, they got back together for at least one show. I mean, the Spice Girls did it.

I'm sure I will be adding to the list. So stay tuned, kiddies...

You Know You Love Her. XOXO.

What's the difference between gossip and scandal? So glad you asked... Anyone can commit a minor indiscretion and generate a day's worth of buzz. But in order to birth a true scandal, it requires the right person to be in the wrong place. Take one It Girl on a pedestal. Add a crowd eager to see her fall. And give them a means to knock her down.

She said this. No, she said this. Well, I heard this. Blah. Blah. Blah. There comes a point in every young ladies life where they are reduced to talking about other people behind their back. We call know it's wrong, but its just so damn fun. We thought it would end in high school, but beware, Upper Eastsiders, we are all a victim of gossip at every point in our lives. Come tomorrow, September 14th, our one and only source into scandalous lives is back. Where would we be today without Gossip Girl? (ANSWER: Lost without a void that would never ever properly be filled.)

Let's face it--GIRLS SUCK. Sorry to say it, but it's true. On behalf of my kind, I sincerely apologize. We're mean, catty, sassy, bitchy, back stabbing, manipulative and talk about you behind your back. Every girl has a little bit of Blair Waldorf or Serena van der Woodsen in her. If they don't, then they suck... at life... because they are boring... and no one likes them. Whatever. (Case in point, right?) Between the two, you have B telling us how to look and act (i.e. Louis V peep toes---always right.) and there is S showing us how badly we want to be in the spotlight with her photos always on Page 6. Despite the Queen Bee status of my personal hero, Blair, and the "It"Girl je ne sais quoi possessed by Serena, there is no one more intriguing than G.G. herself.

As girls especially, we LOVE a good gossip fest. That's why we're so into the celeb tabloids and being mean to other girls. (Don't lie. I know you're guilty of it too.) I mean, let's be real, it's totally fun to gossip and talk about people behind their backs with your girlfriends, but taking the information that you have and sending e-blasts to everyone's phone? That's just taking it to another level of awesome. She has the power and I dig the power. People fear her. And there's nothing more powerful than fear. (Insert evil laugh here.)

I've took the liberty of contriving a list of reasons of why we know we love her.

1. Gossip Girl is a mystery and everyone loves a good mystery. No one knows and when you try to find her, she will just make you look like an ass (i.e. the season finale of season 2). She is like an anonymous Gretchen Weiners because she knows anything and everything about everyone. I don't know for sure, but I bet she has big hair and that is the reason why her hair is so big.
2. Remember when they all the grown ups told us that we would stop caring about what we look like and what/who we do on Friday nights? Yeah? Gossip Girl basically proves them wrong. Everyone cares. If you look like crap and/or gained 10 lbs, you're going to be put on blast. When you go home with that gross excuse for a human being that you're to regret in the morning, everyone will make fun of you. But on the other hand, if you look hot and bag Chuck Bass, more power to you. However, no matter how hot they are, do not pay for someone's company on a lonely night (cough NATE ARCHIBALD cough cough). Always look print ready. At the very least, shower... unlike some people. And don't be a slut. The best hookups are free of morning breath and awkward conversation.
   
3. G.G. has minions. What I wouldn't do for minions to do my bidding!? She can make you do whatever she wants since she owns you pretty much. She doesn't even have to go out looking for scandal since people are constantly emailing her and telling her what's up.
4. It's far safer to be feared than loved... and even though we love her, we sure as hell don't want to be on her bad side. Even though we cannot see her, she can crush us because her influence is just that great. (See reason #3.)
   
5. Who doesn't love that Gossip Girl ruins people's lives? Since, I'm mildly evil and want to ruin people's lives, I think that's so cool. She can make everyone love or hate you depending on how she wants to spin it. That's pretty damn sweet. Her e-blasts are just press releases about people's lives and I totally dig that.
6. Every single blast she sends is some sort of witty riddle. She says things like, "Cheer up Little J, the sun will come out tomorrow... even though your boyfriend did today." AND, "Sorry Lonely Boy. Don't say we didn't try to warn you. But if Queen S would do this to D, are any of us safe? Bow down or bow out." You're always making us think, G.G, and laugh at the expense of other people.
7. Her arrogance makes you feel like you feel kind of stupid when you don't get Gossip Girl's witty pop culture references, but when you do you kind of feel good about yourself like a dog who did a trick correctly. She give you a little bit of information at a time and you always want more. She's basically a crack dealer.
   
8. She may be all knowing and a major bitch, but Gossip Girl is kind of a nerd. With all these blasts to your phone. She is a pioneer when it comes to combining blogging with text and picture messages into an HTML format that goes straight to your phone in a non-email way. F! I don't even know how to do that now and pretty sure only the tech savvy nerds of nerds knew how to do that in 2007. I for one applaud her on behalf of the nerds.
   
9. Morgan Freeman, James Earl Jones, Patrick Stewart, Gossip Girl? Hell yes!! Everybody loves a good narration and G.G. is the voice of our generation.
10. If Gossip Girl were real, she would probably be president. :) No explanation needed.

Ahh yes. Power, influence, wit, unnecessary bitchiness... Gossip Girl is everything that I want to be when I grow up.