If It's Tourist Season, Why Can't We Kill Them?

I don't know about you, but I hate walking around Michigan Avenue (or anywhere with shops, statues, pigeons, restaurants, bars, etc.) and not being able to walk at a normal pace to wherever I need to go because some honky tonk from Wisconsin gets distracted by the way Water Tower place catches the light. If you are going to take pictures of trolleys and fountains because they don't exist in your hometown because your town is not civilized, at the very least do so on the side of the street and not in the midst of traffic. That is just rude and ignorant. As a resident of this fair city, I am not above walking through your photo, pushing and/or shoving to get through and I do not care if you happen to be in my line of fire. There are buses and trains that I need to catch. It is not my fault you're a retard that stops in the midst of crowd of busy people rushing to get somewhere.

In short, what I'm trying to say is: tourists suck. They are hillbillies who are amazed by us city folk for some crazy backwards reason. I mean, I'm happy that for the first time in your miserable life you've finally reached your dreams and walked through a revolving door, but get the f out of my way. The normal weekend influx of tourists gives me enough anxiety as it is and now, they want the 2016 Olympics here? You have got to be joking! Not to sound like a selfish brat or anything, but I'm really thinking about how this will inconvenience everyone as a whole. After all, it takes a village...

Sure, this tourism thing is good for Chicago, but think of this city's people. It's already moderately congested here, but that's bearable. It's tough to get on the Red Line going north when there is a Cubs game, think of what a pain in the ass it will be to go anywhere when there are Olympic Games! Northbound. Southbound. We're all screwed. And you know how annoying is it now when people ask you for directions on the bus or train? Yeah. It is only going to get ten billion times worse when are more tourists running a muck around town with their don't-cha-know's and we're-not-from-around-here demeanors.

Also, with the crazy influx of people, there will only be more homeless people and they will only be crazier and more dangerous. This would only threaten our lives more since we live here and have to deal with them. I mean, it's bad enough that sometimes we find homeless people sneaking into our bathroom at work (and yes, it's true!!!), but these tourists are going to give them more money because more likely than not, they have never seen a homeless before since they usually populate metropolitan areas.

The tourists aren't just going to be at the Olympics either. You know they are going to want to see the museums and see what it's like to shop at a store that isn't Wal-Mart. The lines are going to be so much longer. We'll never get to do anything we normally do because it will take too long and we will be forced to do all of our shopping online since we don't want to deal with all the craziness the tourists cause. We'll be traumatized when our orders are wrong and we don't get our meds from the doctors in time. I can see nothing but bad things to come.

The tourists are really the main reason I don't want the Olympics here. They're pretty much just going to ruin everyone's lives. As far as I am concerned with Chicago being the 2016 Olympics, I say no thank you, World. Though I do appreciate the consideration, I don't want to deal with the tourists.