Here's a little fact you should probably know: SHE ALWAYS HAS THE POWER.
Full discretion, this is never really discussed, but let's be real, in every relationship, there is some sort of power struggle. Someone always has the upper hand. More likely than not, it is the female counterpart of the relationship that has the power. Boys, if you think you have the power, your girlfriend is very sweet and polite, because you don't. If your girlfriend always tells you that you are equals, that's crap. They just want you to feel secure with your masculinity. We own you because we control the slices of apple pie, if you catch my drift. You may not like the way we may handle it all the time, but we control what is going on.
Think about any situation you have been in with a woman--it's either amazing or it's awkward. She's either God's personal gift to you or the spawn of Satan. Please note, that we are talking about just one woman. Females are designed to be the whole package: smart, beautiful, funny, whatever you want, but keep in mind, if you haven't seen it first-hand, there is a she-devil in there. Legend has it, when this inner she-devil is unleashed, hell breaks loose on that who provokes her.
When you make your lady happy, doesn't it make your day? If she is crying, especially if you are the cause, doesn't it break your heart? Doesn't it kill you when you guys fight? Why can we talk to you like babies to you and get away with it? Think about it. You thought about it. And you realize, I am right. Yes? Yes! Being a girl, I know that because right now, I am controlling you, duh!
If a girl doesn't like what is happening, it gets awkward for her (and anyone within a 3 mile radius of her) real quick. This crazy flame-thing turns on in her eyes and she looks semi-possessed by the devil and she all of a sudden has a green-ish tint. Whatever happened, it was probably your fault. Think about it. Back track and go over everything you did and said, because it was probably mildly offensive and got the gears a-turning in her head, automatically making you the enemy. You can either comfort her and/or put a shiny object in her face. (If you liked it then you should've put on a ring on it.) Just make it better.
Girls find strength in numbers... kind of.
When a guy does something remotely sweet (because really, guys, we don't ask for much) girls are glowing. Other girls want that glow, so they tell other girls and other girls tell their boyfriends. The other girls' boyfriends either try to out do you or fail trying. Your girl learns of all of this and feels amazing and lucky and all is right with the world. Girls are pretty catty and when they have a one-up on another girl, particularly, one they don't like, they are on Cloud Nine and you reap the benefits. The more girls that want to be in her situation, the initial glow that she had from you becomes more prominent and something called love happens.
I don't know why this is. It just is the way it is. A mathematician once did an algorithm to prove this theory, so it's a fact. Back off. Basically, as some sort of significant other, it is highly suggested to that you do little nice things to make your girlfriend happy. It doesn't matter if it's buying her roses or washing the dishes (especially when she knows you hate doing them), just do something to make her day. It will go a long way in the end. Not only will it peak interest, but it will get around and everyone will live harmoniously.
Girls are not, I repeat, are NOT to be addressed as Dude, Man, Buddy, or Pal.
I am all for gender equality. Girls can do what boys can do and hell, boys can do what girls do if they want to. Whatever. It's great that your lady friend can hang with your guy friends, but do not convince her to be one of your guy friends. She is, if not, will soon be, your girlfriend. Treat her like it. Do not act like she doesn't exist. Do not make her feel uncomfortable just so that your friends are uncomfortable. I promise, you will not hear the end of it. This is one the things that will cause the awkward situation I discussed a little bit ago. If you intend to sleep with a girl or keep sleeping with a girl, do not address her as any of the aforementioned forms of address unless you do not want to be anything but her buddy (ugh... I hate that word).
Get it? Got it? Good!
All tests are pass or fail and there is no ridiculous curve in your favor.
It does not matter if you're trying to get a girlfriend, married, dating, whatever-- no matter how stable or unstable you feel your relationship is, there will be tests. The more tests you pass, the stronger your relationship will be. You all know that, I'm sure. Some of the big tests include: The Friend Test, The Ex-Factor, The Number Talk, Meeting the Parents, The Pregnancy Scare, etc. These tests are very important to a relationship and your behavior/reaction can impact your relationship tremendously. This is all common knowledge, yes? Okay. Here's the kicker: sometimes women want to keep you on your toes and like to even throw out something called The Pop Quiz, which is just a random question that only has one specific correct answer.
Most of the PQ questions that we have been known to throw revolve around vanity--how we look, how you perceive us, how we fare compared to other women, etc. These answers must play in our favor and when they do not you will fail miserably and never hear the end of it 60% of the time every time. It doesn't matter if she her ass looks huge in that dress or if you think about other girls inappropriately (for lack of a better way of saying it). You always tell her she is the most beautiful girl you have ever seen and you only want her and you mean it because deep down, you know you do. Honestly, no girl, no matter how confident and secure they are with themselves, wants to hear about how you fantasize about some skank when you are alone at night. That is just wrong. If you have the urge to say something that will potentially hurt her feelings, fight it, hold it in and say something positive about her.
Overview
- She controls everything because she has the power.
- If you make her mad, she will go ape shit or not speak to you ever again.
- If you do good, other girls will take note, and she will reward you.
- Do not call her dude, man, or you will not even get close to second, buddy. (CRINGE!)
- A girl that can hang out with the guys, does not make her your guy friend.
- When given a pop quiz, think about your answer carefully and ask yourself, Will she give me shit and/or rip me a new one? If the answer is YES, you probably shouldn't say that and you should say that you've only got eyes for her.
Just a few other things, and I swear you can go practice my preaching. Girls like attention, but not too much or too little. If you fail to sure her attention, she will go seek it out from somewhere else. If you are giving her too much attention, she will feel smothered and again, she will seek out the right amount of attention from someone else who is less stalker-like and creepy. The same goes with communication--too much will smother her, and too little will push her away. Talk to her when she wants to talk, no matter how uncomfortable you are talking about feelings. It is probably something important to her. Please note that if a girl is constantly putting forth the effort in the relationship, with no reciprocation, that will also push her away.
Oh and something that never ever fails is thinking before you say or do something. This is probably the best piece of advice, I can give you because being thoughtful with your words and actions will go a long way. I promise you. So, please, please, please, solemnly swear you will think before you say and/or do something you regret? Promise with a cherry on top right top right now, k? Thanks!
Are we all on the same page now? Please let me know if you have any questions or if you are confused about anything. My door is always open. Hopefully, this will help decrease the number of d-bag things that guys do.
Your welcome.
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1 comments:
Why is Andrea licking horse balls??
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